Crisis of Faith

Most of you who follow my blog will know that I usually post 2 posts per week, one on the Sunday and one on the Wednesday. I also usually write blog posts in advance, so you only see them a week or two after I write them, well this one is brand new. I didn’t post yesterday as I was not really in a good place emotionally or spiritually and I felt like I would be a hypocrite if I posted something that I wasn’t necessarily believing at the time. My wife even said that she was concerned about me as she had never seen me so upset. So what was wrong? You’d think by the sounds of this that it was an absolute disaster, but it wasn’t. Well it is if you let it be, but it isn’t really. Let me explain.

I started a company a year ago, which creates custom spreadsheets and business software, all in Microsoft Excel. This means that the business software can be created for a fraction of the price of programmed software and is easy to use like a spreadsheet. The reason why I started this company is that I love using Excel and I am really good at it. I have helped so many companies that I have worked for in the past by using it, that I thought that I would use it professionally to help others too. It was also a dream of mine to have my own business, because that meant that I could be flexible with my time, so when mission trips came up I could sign up!

Now I have always lacked self-confidence, so starting this business was a huge step for me. It took just about all the courage and faith that I had, along with lots of prayers and trying to hear God’s will in all of this. I was encouraged by various people, and there were loads of events that happened that seemed to ‘guide’ me to making the decision to go full time into the business. I checked it against scripture, discussed it with my wife, and it all seemed to be the right decision. I took the plunge.

One year later, I now know how hard it is to start a business from scratch. It has taken me a year to build up some contacts, to get my name out there and to finally see some things happening. Unfortunately the business (money) is not coming in as it needs to, and this has been playing on my mind. I want to provide for my wife and she is out working while I am trying to get this going. Now the thing is that she doesn’t mind, she has been so supportive and wonderful and she has never moaned about anything, but encouraged me when I have gotten frustrated, but it is still playing on my mind. After chatting to a friend of mine about it, he suggested that I learn a programming language as well as being an Excel expert. He said that this will widen my field of expertise and it will create some contract work opportunities for me to supplement my income while trying to grow the business. He also said that most companies are moving away from Excel for programmed software, and that my opportunities will probably start shrinking rather than growing. Now this friend of mine is a really good guy, and I value what he says, and he would NEVER say anything to discourage me. He said this only to encourage me to expand my opportunities. However, this is what my mind started saying:

Your business will fail. You haven’t got the right expertise. You can’t earn sufficient income. You’re letting your wife down. You’re a failure. You have no future. You won’t be able to go on mission trips. How do you expect to help others when you can’t help yourself? Once a failure always a failure. You have disappointed your family and friends. God doesn’t care. God doesn’t love you. God wanted you to fail. – Now if you look at this paragraph, you can see why I was so upset. It wasn’t because of the actual situation, but rather because of what the demons were telling me the situation meant. None of this is true though. I should have known this. I have taught on this. I am so thankful that there is no condemnation for those of us in Jesus!

I picked up my bible and opened it to where I had left off, which was right at the end of Galatians, but it opened instead to 1 Peter (which was odd because I had a bookmark in Galatians). Now I am not a fan of opening the Bible to a random spot and just reading, but I had asked God to talk to me and reassure me, and maybe He was doing just that. I read the whole of 1 Peter. Now I’m not going to list all of the scripture here that had an impact on me, because there is too much. God told me the following. He loved me. He died for me. He is proud of me. God is protecting me. God cares about me and He wants me to give Him my cares and worries. There will be trials but He will restore, support and strengthen me. We have the power to stand against the devil. There is an inheritance for us in heaven and we will share in God’s glory. AMEN!

How much does that differ from what I was thinking? Couldn’t be more different. I am now trying to get some contract work, I am also still pushing for business and looking for a full time job. The difference is that I am excited to see where God takes me next. He is in control and I trust Him. Not in my abilities or the economy or what others may perceive as the truth. Yes I still want the business to succeed, but maybe I need to take a different route to achieve that. I have put it in God’s hands.

If any of you have any prophetic words for me, please contact me via Google+ or send me an email. Otherwise I would appreciate any prayer support as I try and figure out what God has in store for my business, myself and my family.

Always in Him.



7 thoughts on “Crisis of Faith

  1. Hi Richard.
    God already knows how this will play out. And however that may be it will be for the best. So keep working hard keep praying and know all will be well as He takes care of His children and you are truly a child of God. Its the not knowing that is tough for us. Have Faith.


  2. Thanks for sharing. I’m sure that it wasn’t easy to open up to people that you don’t know. My wife and I are in a similar position right now and your words were encouraging to me.


  3. Thanks very much for the encouraging words Kate, I really appreciate it. CLH, that is exactly why I shared it. It wasn’t easy, but we as Christians tend to ‘suffer in silence’ because we think that everyone else is walking the perfect walk and we’re the only ones struggling. When we share these issues, and share God’s truth, it takes the power away from the devil and his helpers. I’m glad that it has encouraged you, if you connect with me on Google+ we can keep in contact.


  4. I am not attempting to be sarcastic, but my question is, are you attempting to be a preacher, or a micro soft engineer? Which one did you start out attempting to do first. We are instructed not to turn back once we place our hand to the plow. If God called you to preach, ” He said, leave the fishing nets in the boat, and get off the boat and fish for men full time, everyday all day long? Is that to hard? Peace is priceless, and Christ granted you peace. So that you do not have to struggle with worldly cares. Operating a business, steals time you otherwise could have given God and His ministry you were called to. That’s how I see it…may be no help at all…..but I know that full time ministry is full time ministry. If Christ hadn’t thought it was worthy of any thing, He would have stayed in heaven and left Peter and the other disciples, turned back to their livelihood after He resurrected into heaven. Instead He felt it was extremely necessary for Him to reappear and fix them a meal of fish. And then chastise them for failure to stay away from them boats. Which were their pride and joy. Jesus warned us, ” you cannot serve two masters, you’ll love one and despise the other “.


  5. Thanks for your comment James. To answer your question, I don’t believe that I have ever been called into full time ministry. In fact, I had an offer to go into full time ministry and I turned it down as I didn’t feel called by God. When I talk about ‘ministry trips’ I am referring to the odd trip that our church organises and invites members of the congregation to join. It would be much easier to do these without having to apply for leave. That it all that I meant by that. I hope that I have understood and answered your question correctly.


  6. Dear Richard, life is hard isn’t it!! There is something more important than life and that is God. He said if we first seek the Kingdom of God, He will give us all the rest – provide in our needs. Reading your post, I see something bigger than the immediate situation / challenge of a job that enables you to do all you desire and sufficiently care for your family. I see a challenge on a different level…one in which you are achieving victory. You are fighting the lies of Satan and learning to turn to God and yet again trust Him and find peace in Him irrespective of the physical circumstances. You are learning to look from the wind and the waves back to Christ. Jipeee…that spells victory! Easy…NO, extremely hard. Your own effort…NO, the work of the Holy Spirit. Your choice…YES, one that you will have to make time and again throughout your life but if that also grows you in the knowledge of God and His love…well then bring on the trials…isn’t that what Paul said? The good news – God is faithful and as you seek Him and call out to Him in the very real challenges in your everyday life, He will do more than you can think or ask…may He blow your mind away!



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